she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
