Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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