Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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