I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize