My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
