Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
