Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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