the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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