It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
