Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize