he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
