i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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