I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
