What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
