Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
