That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize