shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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