i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
