Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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