2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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