Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
