I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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