If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
