at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
