oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
