I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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