Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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