You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
