like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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