just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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