We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
