you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
