my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
