whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
