Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
