Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
