I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
