why didn't you poke me back
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
