Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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