Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You are the jesus of drinking
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
