I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
