Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
