You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
