So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
