i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
