side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
