Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
