He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
