Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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