As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
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