He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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