Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
