Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
