Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
