So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize