Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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