She's JV to your varsity
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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