If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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