apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
