How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I deserve this hangover.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
