You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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