dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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