You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
