how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
