don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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