super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize