How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
