dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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