I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
