Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
did you just send me my own nude
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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