On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
